It’s Masters Week! In November! That’s weird to say!
I love Masters Week, even if it is like seven months late. It’s not my favorite golf tournament (U.S. Open because I like that it’s a different venue each year) but it’s 1A. And Tiger Woods is our defending champion! Who isn’t excited for this?
However, I am a little leery because there won’t be fans and those Masters roars are so great. But I’m more worried about what Bryson Dechambeau will do to the golf course. If anyone has talked to be about golf (which is only my brother), you know I’m not a Dechambeau fan. I don’t like that he’s turned golf into a long drive contest, removing so much of the skill those of us who can’t carry it 360 have to utilize to score.
Now, I don’t necessarily blame him for it. Everything he’s doing is in the rules and legal, but therein lies the problem—the rules need to be changed.
Golf courses can’t be made long enough nor trees grown high enough to combat what Dechambeau can do. His ability to drive it right over the top of everything and then hit a sand wedge into every green is like me going to Krueger and playing the ladies tees. It’s not overly fun for anybody but me (and not even that fun for me).
I’ve read some reports of what he is hitting into some greens at Augusta (8 iron into par 5 2nd, 9 iron into par 4 11th, and a 9 iron into the par 5 15th) and it just doesn’t seem much fun to watch. Most of the skill and strategy are gone. It’s just become a game of bomb it, go find it, and hit a wedge to the green.
Obviously I’m rooting hard for Tiger to win again but really I’m rooting for Bryson’s strategy to blow up in his face. I want to see a pulled drive into the woods on 13, a stymied shot behind a tree in the pine straw on 15, and a tree ball that rebounds back down the fairway on 18. But what I really want is golf to do something about it.
Players shouldn’t be able to knock 3 woods 320 yards. Players shouldn’t average 322 off the tee for a season. That’s an average, meaning he goes over that like half the time! He carried it 400 recently in a practice session. That’s stupid.
The USGA could easily implement new standards on technology for the pros, including regulations on drivers and golf balls specifically. Now, please don’t change my driver and golf ball—I need all the carry I can get. But I want to see pros having to think a bit more around the course instead of turning every course into a driving range.
As far as the actual tournament itself, I’m not picking Bryson (because I don’t like him) and I’m not picking Tiger either. I would love to see Rory win but I’ve watched enough Rory golf lately to know that probably won’t happen. I wouldn’t mind a Koepka win but with the injury he had earlier, I wouldn’t count on that either.
I’ll go with Justin Thomas nabbing his first green jacket. Obviously I would love for Tiger to win again but JT winning will be fine because it’s really #ABB (Anybody But Bryson).
I still stink at NFL picks, by the way. Not as bad as the Bears stink at offense because nothing stinks that bad. Literally nothing is as bad as the Bears offense. I hate them. I hate them so much. I want you all to know that. Hate. Them.
• Indianapolis at Tennessee: I watched Tennessee last week against my putrid Bears and was not impressed. AJ Brown is awesome. That’s about it. The Colts had a tough go against Baltimore but will have a much easier go against the Titans D. COLTS 24, TITANS 23.
• Houston at Cleveland: The Browns...I just can’t bet on the Browns. I can’t do it. I don’t love the Texans either but...it’s still the Browns, right? TEXANS 27, BROWNS 24.
• Washington at Detroit: Both these teams are still bad. Let’s never forget that. The Lions are still somewhat competent on offense, though, and Stafford should be able to move the ball, especially if he has a few weapons back. LIONS 28, WASHINGTON 20.
• Jacksonville at Green Bay: The Packers were exposed by the Vikings but thankfully for them they don’t play another decent football team outside of Indy and Tennessee for the rest of the year. Yucky. PACKERS 31, JAGUARS 17.
• Philadelphia at NY Giants: The Giants need to keep losing for their draft capital. The Eagles keep trying to lose so this should be a real battle of awful here. I, for one, would hate to have to watch that game. Not as much as I’ll hate Monday night...nothing will make me hate like that will make me hate. EAGLES 23, GIANTS 21.
• Tampa Bay at Carolina: I’ll almost always pick Brady after a loss, especially a bad loss. I don’t know what happened against the Saints but the Bucs are a better team than that. The Panthers have been showing some life but not enough to win here. BUCCANEERS 31, PANTHERS 17.
• Denver at Las Vegas: My hometown Broncos need to grow on offense. Their offensive line needs some work and Drew Lock needs to be more consistent. The Raiders aren’t anything special but I think they are a year (or more) ahead offensively and should win this one. RAIDERS 28, BRONCOS 20.
• LA Chargers at Miami: Ok are the Dolphins good? Maybe? Their defense can’t keep scoring touchdowns every week but the Chargers have so many holes on defense that Miami should be able to move the ball. DOLPHINS 27, CHARGERS 20.
• Buffalo at Arizona: OK I should totally take the Bills here. I should. But I love Arizona. I love them. Kyler Murrary is everything I wish I had in a quarterback. Kliff Kingsbury is everything I wish I had in a head coach. I wish the Bears were the Cardinals. CARDINALS 31, BILLS 28.
• Seattle at LA Rams: I probably should take the Rams here but I saw them get demolished by the Dolphins. Demolished. The Seahawks can put pressure on the Ram receivers, mess up their timing, and make Jared Goff look very bad. SEAHAWKS 23, RAMS 18.
• San Francisco at New Orleans: The Saints almost lost to the Bears, then destroyed the Bucs. I don’t get it. I really don’t. The 49ers are basically a Triple A team right now with all the injuries they’ve sustained, so you can’t pick them there. You just can’t. SAINTS 31, 49ERS 20.
• Cincinnati at Pittsburgh: The Steelers had their bad game, right? The Bengals are not a pushover like the Cowboys were so they won’t be able to play that poorly and win. I think they get it together but I’d love to Burrow magic. STEELERS 27, BENGALS 24.
• Baltimore at New England: The Patriots are awful. Just flat out awful. They almost lost to the Jets. The Jets! Ravens by 100 here. RAVENS 35, PATRIOTS 10.
• Minnesota at Chicago: I...I can’t believe I’m going to watch this game. Let’s not forget that the Vikings offense is all Dalvin Cook and the Bears can shut down one part of an offense. They can probably hold the Vikings to 14 points or less in the first half but the Bears offense will be lucky to cross the 50. Did I mention that I hate them? Because I hate them. VIKINGS 23, BEARS 10.